What a weird show that was last night. I sat in the shower, crying the night away in my never-nude cut-offs as the water ran over me… try as I might, I just could not get clean.
Maybe it was Simon’s repeated winks at Ryan (he must have approved of Ry’s nod to his signature unbuttoned shirt).
Or perhaps it was the offers to have my “socks blown off”, the inappropriate “woos” slipping out, or the performance labeled as “wet” by a good girl dressed like an Easter Peep (Simon… ew!).
Or - maybe it’s Maybelline! (Did you SEE how much makeup Ryan was wearing last night? I thought the theme had changed and that it was Culture Club night).
And then there was Ryan’s new man-crush… did he really have to fight the urge to swap spit with David Cook to the point of considering trying out the vocoder? Blaaaaaargh, man. Thankfully, he did not go there. On camera, anyway.
Let’s hope that Nigel and the gang have learned their lesson and that Beatles songs will be retired for the rest of the season. Here are some random musings from memory - I cannot bear to go through my notes and relive the process anymore than I will have to during the Results show tonight…
From the top:
AMANDA - Girlfriend just ain’t gotta snowball’s chance in Hades to win without singing a ballad, period. Hopefully she will enjoy her career opening for Taylor Hicks at a biker bar near you. Look out, Lafayette!
KRISTY LEE - She should have brought her photo album on stage with her, or maybe even a slide projector to share her treasured memories as she performed. That might have rocked it up to at least a respectable Yoko Ono level. Perhaps one day she will find work “blowing people’s socks off”, like we apparently know she can. Head to New York, check in and apply for a position with whomever might be serving as governor when you get there - you are bound to impress with language like that on your resume!
DAVID ARCHU-D2 - The modest and clueless persona the kid puts forth is getting a little “Dee-Dee-Dee” for me for him. And the stylists need to think about mowing the eye caterpillars and applying some cayenne pepper-flavored lip balm so he will quit licking his lips, man. It’s driving me mental. While David’s vocal was quite good, it bored me so much that I actually perked up when Ryan announced that Pickles will be performing tonight.
MICHAEL - I am sympathetic to the loss of Michael’s dear friend and all - really I am. And here is the big BUT… but if you are going to pick a song for an emotional reason, then show some bloody emotion. He seems more stiff and robotic with every performance - what up, dawg? Where is the relaxed, carefree vocal god we saw in Hollywood? And breaking out the biceps again wouldn’t hurt a thang. Just sayin’.
BROOKE - Oh, no she didn’t. This will go down in my journal as the night I went blind. Thank heavens she sang just good enough so that I didn’t go deaf as well. Though in a way that is unfortunate, as I had to hear the “woo” heard round the world. Mom always said to never look directly at the sun - next time Idol, a disclaimer would be nice.
DAVID COOK - Speaking of woo - I think D-Cook is desperately trying to woo me with his shout-outs to 80’s hair bands… Whitesnake arrangements, Bon Jovi vocoders and using a guitar more as an accessory than an actual instrument, a la Kip Winger. I am starting to drink the Cook Kool-Aid, and I need rehab, pronto. I found it hilarious that Simon called him “smug” - is this the first performance that Simon actually watched? He is getting less smug, if anything. Someone needs to start paying attention in class…
CARLY - This whole performance is a blur - I remember it being pleasant, and thinking that she looked like one of the waitresses at my favorite Mexican restaurant… then the song ended and she would not stop jabbering about her reasons for choosing the song. I don’t care - just shut it and bring me my chips and salsa - this is why we have pre-performance interview clips, dambit. When will Idol contestants learn that thy mouth should not be thy shovel?
JASON - Someone give the kid his guitar back, I am beggin’ ya. And no more Frenchy-French man talk, please. No respectable dicator would speak (or sing) that way. How many French rock stars do you know? It’s too much work!
SYESHA - Syesha and the stylists apparently decided that the week her family visits would be a good one to play “Peek-A-Boob” with her wardrobe. Nice. If her song choice had not been “Yesterday”, I would not have remembered it beyond yesterday. She probably sang well enough to hammer a nail into Kristy Lee’s Idol coffin, though.
CHIKEZIE - I really, really liked this. Chikezie sansEzie is winning me back. But if he plays that harmonica ever again I will fly to Hollywood and make him swallow it. And he really needs to stop looking so much like Gary Coleman with Daughtry facial hair sculptures. Just buy a neck, if you have to.
RAMIELE - Maybe it is the after effects of St. Patrick’s Day, but she reminded me of a leprechaun trying to roll like an 80’s pimp. That song could not have been more wrong for her voice. Yes, Ramiele, you should have known better, indeed. Really.
So, the bottom three for me will be: Kristy Lee Cook, Jason Castro (SHOCK FACTOR) and Ramiele Malubay.
Going home: I thought Kristy Lee would resort to the Scarnat-Ho short shorts to save herself, but she didn’t take my advice. If Idol has any cred left, this multiple time bottom dweller will be horse shopping soon.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 at 8:32 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.
Rockline, hosted by Bob Coburn, is a radio show that I used to listen to in the 80’s where fans get to call in and ask their favorite artists questions. Up until a couple of years ago, I didn’t even know that the show was still around. Last night I listened to Rockline for the first time in 20 years.
