Jenkat Games or Jencat Games, call us whatever makes you feel good!

It must have been April Fools’ Day yesterday, because I feel like I slipped into a wormhole while watching the show last night.  The evidence is clear.  Did anyone else notice…

… that Paula actually didn’t appear donning sparkly western wear in honor of Dolly week?

… that the He-Cook really (FINALLY!) redesigned those combover emo bangs?  Jovi likey.

… that Carly’s ink-faced husband actually got some (dimly lit) camera time?

It’s like I was in an alternate Idol universe.  Cray-zee fun, ya’ll.  So, this is how the performances ranked for me for them:

BROOKE - First, the look - she pulled out the big Dolly stops (well, most of them) - a fluffy and curly hairdo and false eyelashes - but when she stood up post-performance she really looked, well… hungry.  Aren’t they feeding the kids this year?  Dolly can pull off the big ‘dos and stuff, ‘cuz she has the ample booh-bahs to balance it out.  Wee Brooke, not so much.  She must have suffered a migraine headache from all that hair and make-up.  As for the performance - I liked that she brought in the Kat McPhee approved box instrument thingy to keep the beat, but other than that it really fell flatter than her un-Dolly-esque physique for me.  I found the uncomfortable bedroom eyes and smiling rather… beguiling.  Like she was trying to fake that highly debated and discussed ”emotional connection” that seems to be the lacking performance element du jour for Season 7.  Plus, she sang as if she were chewing imaginary gum, and the complimenting of Paula’s hair was undeniably desperate.  I’ve said it more than once this season… when the judges are commenting, just SHUT IT.  On a scale of 1-10, I would give this performance a 6.

DAVID “SKULLY” COOK - Bye bye, bangs - and THANK YOU, Idol stylists for this gift from above.  Much better.  I noticed that David didn’t seem to be himself last night - his typical passion and energy were definitely not up to their normal level, but I still thought his performance was worthy of a “Woo-hoo!” - or several.  ”Little Sparrow” is a song I just adore, and he sang the feathers out of it.  The song has been running through my head all day, and his raspy falsetto left me all a-tingle.  I would have never seen myself as a fan of this guy four weeks ago, but this Cook is a palate-pleaser.  9.5 out of 10.

RAMIELE - Are all of the Idol stylists on vacation this year, or what?  Ramiele was back to her Danny Noriega-ish haristyle, and wore pretty much the same outfit that she was sporting last week.  I feel like I am watching reruns of Jasmine Trias when Ramiele performs, only she sounds more in tune.  At least, I think she is in tune, from what I can tell during the parts when I can hear her whispering over the back-up singers.  Sorry Rami fans, Donny Hathaway’s daughter and the other two back-ups out sing Ramiele every week.  And, I just can’t buy into this cheeky personality she seems to have developed - it reeks of a Danny Dictator sass-class.  Like Randy, I wasn’t mad at you either - but I also couldn’t wait until you left the stage.  At least if I was mad I would want to keep you around long enough to tell you why.  Six and a half is generous - I will give this one a 4 out of 10.

JASON - Again, unfortunately no evidence of a stylist intervention here - but I was glad to see that Jason received my postcards.    I have heard rumblings that some people were offended that Dolly referred to Jason as “kinda funky lookin’”, but if you know and get Dolly - you would understand that it was a compliment.  I mean, she touched his dreads.  Ew.  If that ain’t open-minded, I don’t what is.  As far as the performance, I looooooved it.  His voice is so radio-ready, the arrangement was perfectly-paced, and I think he actually sang it to win it for the first time in a few weeks.  Not too mushy, not too cheesy, and not too country - it was just right.  8.5 out of 10.

CARLY - While I agree with Simon that Carly’s fashion sense doesn’t seem to evolve at all, I couldn’t undertand why she was the only one targeted for it.  Ramiele, Jason and the Archu-bot are all guilty of the same crime.  One little suggestion from your very unfashionable friend Jovi - hide the ink, sister.  Middle America will not be getting on board with tattoo sleeves anytime before the end of May, so if you really wanna win as much as you act like you do - simply tone it down and dress it up.  The performance was one of Carly’s very best - that voice is chill inducing - not like stomach upset, but in a good way.  I loved the slowed down arrangement, and her confidence was stronger than it’s been in a while.  I feel like the judges are just beating her up every week to see if she will react.  Maybe if she would stop talking during the critique, they would judge her more positively.  9 out of 10.

DAVID ARCHIE - Nothing to say about the way the Archu-bot looked - he seems to be in a style rut of forgettable casual jackets and t-shirts, but I guess the judges have no beef with that.  I finally figured out this week who David A. sounds like!  It has been driving me crazy, but I finally realized that he is a vocal clone of one hit wonder Glenn Medeiros, singer of the schmaltzy 80’s ballad “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You”.  Yeah, I am that old - back off.  While I thought David’s voice seemed a little whispery and strained in spots, his emotion during the vocal runs late in the song really brought the performance to a climax - he brought it home without overdoing it (take note, Syesha).  That is his special gift that no one else in the competition has to the same degree.  There are better voices and personalities, but if I am being honest, no one can sell a song like Archu-D2.  8 out of 10 for me, though.

KRISTY LEE - I knew that the Shania shadow would follow Kristy right on into Dolly week, and I am not at all surprised that her look appeared to be very inspired by the “From This Moment On” video - hair up, flowy gown, bare feet - all that was missing was the bindi jewel on her forehead.  Maybe she confused Bollywood with Dollywood?  Anyway, the dress was GORGEOUS, and if I had the bod for it, I would steal it.  And the performance, you know, well, it wasn’t too bad.  Being Dolly week and all, it was definitely Kristy’s week to shine.  And she kinda did.  But then… she lost all self control and had to mouth off - talking back and giving Simon the big kiss-off after his comments.  Stooooopid move, sista.  I would have given your performance a 7 out of 10, but since you weren’t wise enough to leave the snarking to us bloggers, you will be penalized for your actions - 4 out of 10 for you, missy.

Sidenote for Ryan - your comment about the French pedicure really made me wonder - did you steal Kristy’s shoes?

SYESHA - While I admire you for wearing yellow on television when most can’t pull it off (the color suited you, by the way) - the glare of your backside on the piano gave you too much ‘back’ from that angle, babe.  That fashion faux pas was soon overshadowed by the glaring white light above your head that made your hair look a little Gene Simmons-ish.  But at least it got me to sorta pay attention, because I had mentally tuned out as soon as I became aware of the fact that you had chosen the predictable route and took “I’ll Always Love You” out of the more capable and original hands of Jason Castro.  While technically your vocal was solid, the last half of your performance was like walking into a Kevin Costner movie - which elicited my typical response of walking out.  I tuned back in when you hit The Note, but regretted that decision when I realized that it came off as more desperate than brilliant.  That is all - oh, wait - 5 out of 10.  For perfect mediocrity.

MICHAEL - Tie-dyed ascot and all, you are my potential new boyfriend.  Next time don’t cover up the chestus when you choose to unbutton your shirt to the Simon level - we ladies would appreciate it, and it is time for you to free me from having to rely on my imagination - for real.  That jacket made me sweat in places that I didn’t know contained sweat glands… don’t tell Mr. Jovi I said so.  ;)  The arrangement of the song was sexy and perfect; and the combination of the piano, guitar and gospel-tinged backing vocals in the chorus really helped elevate the soul factor of Michael’s performance - for the second week in a row, it was game on for Mr. Johns.  Absolutely tasty, like the dessert portion of the show, if you will (is that why I feel guilty?) - 9 out of 10.

My very scientific (or is it psychic?) predictions for tonight’s bottom three, if it isn’t obvious:

Ramiele
Syesha
Kristy Lee

And in the closest margin this season, I believe Ramiele will be sent a-packin’.  Am I on a crazy train full o’ hobos, or do you agree?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 7:21 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.

TMZ leaves no stone unturned whist digging up dirt, so it should be no surprise that they are breaking this story:

“American Idol” Contestant Hospitalized, Released

The gist of the story is that American Idol frontrunner (at least in my mind) David Cook was driven to the hospital after last night’s performance show to treat a case of heart palpitations and dangerously high blood pressure.  He was released, and his condition will be monitored today.

He is apparently dealing with a stressful family situation, and has taken a lot of heat in Idol gossip circles this week for his “original” arrangements of previous songs performed.  This is where the Idol judges get contestants into trouble - offereing praise for being original, when in actuality the arrangement was chosen by doing some research and then “borrowed”.  This happens in the music industry all the time - and, in fairness, the Idols are not given the opportunity to explain every arrangement/song they select.

In the beginning, David “Skully” Cook bored the crap outta me - but he has won me over with his rich rock voice and for making the effort to choose interesting songs and arrangements - and I would love nothing more than to see him in the finale.  Here’s hoping that he is able to get this recent health issue under control and hang in there, because in my opinion, the show’s entertainment factor will plummet without him. 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 12:54 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.

I have to be honest and say that I’ve been watching this cheesey show about a group of people reunited in Hawaii as part of a pseudo high school reunion.  It’s the class of 1987, which I can relate to.  Watching the trainwreck show, it makes me wonder if the people I went to school with in New Richmond, Wisconsin are that shallow, dumb and “easy” to put it delicately. 

The thing I most wanted to touch on is the fact that Viacom (corporate media conglomerate) has seemingly filled up MTV and VH1 with crappy reality TV programming and now has been forced to move part of the stink to TV Land.  We also shouldn’t forget the high-brow entertainment on Comedy Central as well, also owned by Viacom.  This past Holiday season, Comedy Central was running the Steve Martin/John Candy/John Hughes classic Planes, Trains & Automobiles.  I turned it on for the family, figuring that it had been edited for broadcast (minus Steve Martin and Edie McClurg’s naughty scene about rental cars).  Lo-and-behold the movie was fine, however the promos for other Comedy Central shows forced me to turn it off.  Congratulations to Viacom and its cable channels for slouching to gomorrah.

20 years ago I was still a little naive about certain things.  With TV these days, parents don’t have to worry about that - VH1, MTV, Comedy Central and the rest will let your kids grow up real fast. 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 10:47 am and is filed under Television.

Well honk my hooter, it’s Dolly Parton week on American Idol!  (Forgive me, just could not resist the breast-ference!)

I am a Dolly fan through and through, and I think she will make a fine mentor for the Idol-ettes.  At the very least, I think we can expect that country music’s most talented backwoods Barbie doll will certainly have some good advice to offer as far as the performance of a song, and I hope the kids listen - especially you, Ramiele.  This batch is about due for a ‘de-karaokization’.

While I am not convinced that any one of this year’s crop o’ Idols has the “lungs” to do a Dolly song justice - (Chikezie might have had another bluegrass moment of brilliance this week, but alas, we shall never know) - I remain optimistic, because if the Iron Butterfly can’t pull a miracle out of her platinum wig, who can?

Ya’ll know me… I am all about helpin’ a brutha (or sista) Idol out, so here are my suggestions as to what each of the Idols should be sangin’ for Dolly week:

BROOKE - Barbielicious Brooke should avoid “9 to 5″ at all costs, lest she be tempted to dance.  Yee-ikes.  She should stick to the musical colors she shows best, and try a little “Starting Over Again”, as the melody is lovely, and it’s no secret that The Nanny shines on a lovely melody (”Let It Be”, anyone?)  “I Really Got The Feeling” is another song right in the Brooke wheelhouse - but my spidey senses tell me to expect (and fear) a very virginal version of “Love Is Like A Butterfly” - Brooke dressed in white eyelet material and lace, accesorized by a butterfly net, daisys, pussy willows, golden stage lights, a misty pond and live butterflies emerging from their cocoons on stage.  Spring hath sprung, after all.

CARLY - Carly has lost a little of that edgy luster she showcased during Beatles week Number One (i.e. the Beatles week that didn’t have The Suck).  I say she should fight for a song that contains a little edge lyrically, as we seem to be needing to see some genuine emotion from her.  It would help if Carly would return the Krayzee Eyez back to their rightful owner - Kristy Lee Cook.  My favorite Dolly song of all time is probably “Jolene”, and I think Carly has the range to make the song contemporary and do it justice.  (I would love to hear the He-Cook’s version of this song, but given the lyrics, it really wouldn’t make sense, would it?)  If another less-capable Idol chickie should dig her claws into “Jolene” first, then I think Carly could do quite well with “Little Sparrow”.  Besides, she seems to be on board with singing about birds (refer to Beatles’ week Numero Dos).

KRISTY LEE - Since KLC is really the only one who can be ‘country to d’ extreme’ and not come off like a total yokel, she should just go for it.  For the most part, it ain’t for me - but it is more than obvious that there is a huge country music following out there.  If Kristy sets her sights on pleasing that base, she just might pull a Phil Stacey.  Kristy Lee could probably get away with any Dolly song - she seems to be the only Idol resistant to going home when she ”dons the cheese”.  For that reason, may I suggest some mid to late-80’s piece like “Think About Love” or “Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That?”  I also believe that any song from the movie “Rhinestone“ is a likely She-Cook target.  Freddie, there are two kinds of people in this world, and you ain’t one of ‘em!

RAMIELE - Lullaby, you bore me to the brink of tears and I just don’t care.  But, in the interest of fairness, here ya go - if you are gonna go uptempo (which I think you should… wait, do I?  Yeah, I guess that is what I think), I will offer up “Potential New Boyfriend”, in tribute to my Season 7 obsession du jour, Michael Johns.  “9 to 5″ might be the choice decision, though - eveyone knows the lyrics, and that trademark dreadful diction you posess will become much less obvious with a safe and familiar song.  You’re welcome, Ramiele.

SYESHA - When I think about it, the performance I enjoyed most from Syesha had to be “Tobacco Road” - that is why I am suggesting “Romeo” for Dolly week, as it is sassy as hell and doesn’t require diva-tude-ness to get the personality accross.  If she can mimic an infant’s cry, certainly she can purr.  Audience involvement is key if she has any hope to stay in this horse race, so I would also consider a sing-along type tune like “Two Doors Down”.  Who here wouldn’t bet their Tennessee mansion that Syesha was in a backstage catfight for the right to sing “I’ll Always Love You”?  Lucky for us, she already grabbed the money song “Yesterday” during Beatles week, so if there is any fairness doctrine in place within Idol land, we won’t have to worry about being Whitney-slapped.

DAVID A. - The little Archu-bot will likely sing whatever will please papa most - lucky for David, Dolly sings about poverty a LOT… so there should be quite a few songs to choose from that will fit within his agenda to change the world.  After last week’s mini-Youth for Christ jamboree performance, I figure David will slow it down again.  His husky voice would sound nice on dreamy melodies like “But You Know I Love You” or “Heartbreaker”.

DAVID COOK - Okay He-Cook… you have finally won me over… Easter Eggy, Donald Trumpish hair and all.  By the way, you really do have a huge skull, man… and good on you for using it.  Cunning, you are.  So, what should my man Skully sing this week?  I say it is time to get vulnerable, and by that, I mean acoustic.  “I’m Gone” might be a good ‘un for you for me, or perhaps you should romance me a little with “You’re The Only One” if you wanna melt my jaded heart and persuade me to dump Michael Johns and fall skull over tootsies in love with you. 

JASON - Jason, you deserve to be in this thang, baby - but it’s time for you to start acting like you care a little.  You are skating on some ice thinner than the skin on Dolly’s reconstructed face these days.  Hopefully Jason will be smart enough to duke it out for a Dolly juggernaut like “I’ll Always Love You”, as he is really the only one with the right stuff to make this very classic and familiar song poignant.  And if he does any arrangement other than the original, he’s either a fool or is as blotto as he appears.  If the Idols are allowed to dip into a song Dolly covered, then I would also suggest “Shine”, Collective Soul style.

MICHAEL - Michael (like his competition for my affection, Skully) would be wise to showcase a vulnerable, hopelessly romantic sweet side this week.  Maybe he should play the Bo Bice card and do something a cappella… “Rockin’ Years” would be lovely… That being said, one should never attempt a song sans instruments unless they know the melody backwards, forwards and sideways.  I would love to see Michael playing acoustic guitar during a performance, but as far as I can remember, we haven’t seen any evidence that he CAN - so does this guy really not play anything?  Maybe he could fake us out with a little air-guitar on a tennis racket?  Okay, I am off track… sorry.  If Mikey goes uptempo again, he should sing “Shinola” or “Train, Train”.

So - who is supplying the moonshine for tomorrow night’s shindig? 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 at 12:13 am and is filed under Television, American Idol.

Don’t know who these guys are?  Well, don’t feel bad, most people don’t, as their claim to fame is winning a reality talent show that nobody watched.

That show was The Next Great American Band, which aired last summer on the FOX Network.  I watched this show the whole way through, in spite of the fact that most of the bands in the competition stank on ice!  My boyfriend Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls was a judge, after all.  *sigh*  The Clark Brothers were definitely a shining exception, and I predicted they would win from the get-go.  And they did! 

The point of all this?  Well, according to a FOX press release, they will be performing on American Idol next week.  While I am not a huge fan of bluegrass and country music, I loooove Dolly, and The Clark Brothers can really PLAY.  Plus, they are pretty.    Check the evidence below:

A side note:  I noticed Clark brother Austin playing dobro during Chikezie’s performance last week - so he must have a “day job” with Rickey Minor’s band.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 28th, 2008 at 7:21 pm and is filed under Videos, Television, American Idol.

Yo yo yo, kats!  So what’s goin’ on, you feelin’ ah-ight?

Sorry I didn’t get any American Idol related blogging done this week - I had family in town for Easter, and go figure… I guess family won out in the end.  Only because it was Easter and everyone got along for once. 

I did catch the Idol shows this week, and truthfully, I wasn’t surprised to see Chikeze sent home.  Maybe it’s time he thought about getting that last name back, eh?  His exit was kind of a bummer for me - I liked Chikezie.  His voice was rich and yummy, but I think his defensive attitude with the judges (especially this week) hurt him in the end.  It could have been the end of the road for any of the bottom three this week. 

Speaking of Chikezie, it’s kind of a shame he’s out, because I think he would have done something amazing next week.  The word on the street is that the Idols will be given their first mentorship of the season by none other than the fantastic Dolly Parton.  She is an ICON, and I can’t wait! 

It should be interesting to hear the Idols take on Dolly Parton songs, since her music really isn’t in the vocal wheelhouse of any of the contestants, except for MAYBE Kristy Lee Cook.  And that is pushing it, as Dolly typically sings every note in tune.  Kristy - not so much. 

Anyway, I will be back with my reviews next week - have a great weekend!

This entry was posted on Friday, March 28th, 2008 at 6:53 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.

What a weird show that was last night.  I sat in the shower, crying the night away in my never-nude cut-offs as the water ran over me… try as I might, I just could not get clean. 

Maybe it was Simon’s repeated winks at Ryan (he must have approved of Ry’s nod to his signature unbuttoned shirt). 

Or perhaps it was the offers to have my “socks blown off”, the inappropriate “woos” slipping out, or the performance labeled as “wet” by a good girl dressed like an Easter Peep (Simon… ew!). 

Or - maybe it’s Maybelline!  (Did you SEE how much makeup Ryan was wearing last night?  I thought the theme had changed and that it was Culture Club night). 

And then there was Ryan’s new man-crush… did he really have to fight the urge to swap spit with David Cook to the point of considering trying out the vocoder?  Blaaaaaargh, man.  Thankfully, he did not go there.  On camera, anyway. 

Let’s hope that Nigel and the gang have learned their lesson and that Beatles songs will be retired for the rest of the season.  Here are some random musings from memory - I cannot bear to go through my notes and relive the process anymore than I will have to during the Results show tonight…

From the top:

AMANDA - Girlfriend just ain’t gotta snowball’s chance in Hades to win without singing a ballad, period.  Hopefully she will enjoy her career opening for Taylor Hicks at a biker bar near you.  Look out, Lafayette!

KRISTY LEE - She should have brought her photo album on stage with her, or maybe even a slide projector to share her treasured memories as she performed.  That might have rocked it up to at least a respectable Yoko Ono level.  Perhaps one day she will find work “blowing people’s socks off”, like we apparently know she can.  Head to New York, check in and apply for a position with whomever might be serving as governor when you get there - you are bound to impress with language like that on your resume! 

DAVID ARCHU-D2 - The modest and clueless persona the kid puts forth is getting a little “Dee-Dee-Dee” for me for him.  And the stylists need to think about mowing the eye caterpillars and applying some cayenne pepper-flavored lip balm so he will quit licking his lips, man.  It’s driving me mental.  While David’s vocal was quite good, it bored me so much that I actually perked up when Ryan announced that Pickles will be performing tonight.

MICHAEL - I am sympathetic to the loss of Michael’s dear friend and all - really I am.  And here is the big BUT… but if you are going to pick a song for an emotional reason, then show some bloody emotion.  He seems more stiff and robotic with every performance - what up, dawg?  Where is the relaxed, carefree vocal god we saw in Hollywood?  And breaking out the biceps again wouldn’t hurt a thang.  Just sayin’.

BROOKE - Oh, no she didn’t.  This will go down in my journal as the night I went blind.  Thank heavens she sang just good enough so that I didn’t go deaf as well.  Though in a way that is unfortunate, as I had to hear the “woo” heard round the world.  Mom always said to never look directly at the sun - next time Idol, a disclaimer would be nice.

DAVID COOK - Speaking of woo - I think D-Cook is desperately trying to woo me with his shout-outs to 80’s hair bands… Whitesnake arrangements, Bon Jovi vocoders and using a guitar more as an accessory than an actual instrument, a la Kip Winger.  I am starting to drink the Cook Kool-Aid, and I need rehab, pronto.  I found it hilarious that Simon called him “smug” - is this the first performance that Simon actually watched?  He is getting less smug, if anything.  Someone needs to start paying attention in class…

CARLY - This whole performance is a blur - I remember it being pleasant, and thinking that she looked like one of the waitresses at my favorite Mexican restaurant… then the song ended and she would not stop jabbering about her reasons for choosing the song.  I don’t care - just shut it and bring me my chips and salsa - this is why we have pre-performance interview clips, dambit.  When will Idol contestants learn that thy mouth should not be thy shovel?

JASON - Someone give the kid his guitar back, I am beggin’ ya.  And no more Frenchy-French man talk, please.  No respectable dicator would speak (or sing) that way.  How many French rock stars do you know?  It’s too much work!

SYESHA - Syesha and the stylists apparently decided that the week her family visits would be a good one to play “Peek-A-Boob” with her wardrobe.  Nice.  If her song choice had not been “Yesterday”, I would not have remembered it beyond yesterday.    She probably sang well enough to hammer a nail into Kristy Lee’s Idol coffin, though.

CHIKEZIE - I really, really liked this.  Chikezie sansEzie is winning me back.  But if he plays that harmonica ever again I will fly to Hollywood and make him swallow it.  And he really needs to stop looking so much like Gary Coleman with Daughtry facial hair sculptures.  Just buy a neck, if you have to.

RAMIELE - Maybe it is the after effects of St. Patrick’s Day, but she reminded me of a leprechaun trying to roll like an 80’s pimp.  That song could not have been more wrong for her voice.  Yes, Ramiele, you should have known better, indeed.  Really.

So, the bottom three for me will be:  Kristy Lee Cook, Jason Castro (SHOCK FACTOR) and Ramiele Malubay.

Going home:  I thought Kristy Lee would resort to the Scarnat-Ho short shorts to save herself, but she didn’t take my advice.  If Idol has any cred left, this multiple time bottom dweller will be horse shopping soon.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 at 8:32 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.

Ain’t no party like and Idol Results party, yo!  (That’s why I held back my comments until St. Patrick’s Day… I guess.)  Jim Carrey!  Sanjaya!  Repeat performances of the three LOWEST vote-getters!  We can only go up from here, my homies…

Here is my extremely random Results show analysis from Beatles’ week number one:

* I spent most of the show trying to figure out just who is most desperate for a comeback - Dr. Seuss, Jim Carrey or Sanjaya (and it ain’t Dr. Seuss).

* Speaking of Sanjaya - he is apparently still dating his Sisterjaya… *Shudder*  (C’mon, you gotta admit that there is something very “not right” about those two).

* 29 million votes!  Uh, Ryan probably shouldn’t emphasize that statistic when there were 30 million plus votes cast in previous weeks.  Perhaps the decline in votes is part of a Danimal retaliatory strike in response to Dictator Danny Noriega going home last week?

* Looks like we will be treated with another week of Lennon/McCartney songs… yippie.  Not to dis two of the best songwriters of all time - but one week of Beatles karaoke is more than enough for me.  Maybe Yoko will show up for some extra ear pain!

* D-Cook really needs a new hat.  I fully understand the desire to hide the hair helmet, dude - but…

* Did anyone catch that enormous gleek that flew out of Michael Johns’ mouth while singing “Can’t Buy Me Love”?  It appeared to fly in slow motion, as if it were weighted with some loogie substance… and I wasn’t even grossed out.  He’s hotter than I thought!  The other Idol kids are quite fortunate that no one slipped and fell in the puddle o’ spittle - especially you, Amanda.

* Out of Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha - was there really any mystery here as to who would stand in the bottom three?

* Does Syesha remind anyone else of Diana DeGarmo?  Not so much in the way she sings, or the way she looks… but in the manner of how she grates on my nerves so much.

* After that over-the-top vocal run at the end of Syesha’s bottom three performance, you can now add her to my “Most Desperate for a Comeback” list above.

* Yay - Ford commercials are back in the hizzouse!  And you gotta love a presidential race as your inspiration… If Michael Johns were a presidential candidate, he would be Mitt Romney.  Hubba hubba.  David A. would be the Obama ringer, and Ramiele would be Hillary.  D-Cook would have to be The Huckabee, even though he has McCain’s hair.

* I suspect that Amanda’s Idol goals came to fruition upon meeting the lead singer of REO Speedwagon.

* Speaking of the Speedwagon - I believe I am the biggest dork in the Idol blogosphere for knowing the name of REO’s lead singer…  (Kevin Cronin!)

* Ryan did not fool us into thinking that Kristy Lee would NOT be needing her instrument of torture (the microphone) to serenade us as she once again appeared in the bottom three.  Don’t worry, KLC - at least Sanjaya is a believer… and if you break out the Scarnato short-shorts next week, you should be a lock for the Idol tour next summer.  Sidenote:  Those wood floor strobe lights should never be used in combination with the seizure-inducing purple stars screensaver ever, ever again.

* Simon + Ryan + a truckload of mud.  Sounds like a golden fundraising gimmick for Idol Gives Back!

* David Foster apparently inserted a microchip into Kat McPhee - she appears more “Stepford” than ever.

* Danny and Ramiele are BFF’s 4-eva and totally do each other’s hair!  Ish.

* I snorted when David H. said that his appearance in the bottom three didn’t necessarily mean that he was voted off.  Them’s famous last words, kiddo.

* Do the Powers That Be really believe that hearing the THREE worst perfomances instead of just ONE is an improvement for the Results show audience?  Yeesh.

* David Hernandez will “see us at the top”… oh my goodness, it’s best that I just leave that one alone.  :-O

So, does anyone else think that Beatles’ Week Number Two will live up to its name?

This entry was posted on Monday, March 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.

Nevermind the kids, TV is calling.  Britney Spears is scheduled to appear on the March 24th episode of the CBS show How I Met Your Mother.  Fans of Britney will remember that she was on an episode of Will & Grace, so if nothing else at least the quality of show she’s appearing on is improving.

The DA is a fan of How I Met Your Mother and she’s talked me into watching a few episodes.  You gotta love Neal Patrick Harris, if nothing else.  The show returns with new episodes tonight and as mentioned you can see the Mother of the Year in next weeks episode.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 17th, 2008 at 10:59 am and is filed under Television.

Have you heard?  David Archuleta doesn’t walk on water!  Nice to see we still have a competition, eh?    So, here’s the dealio on last night’s performances: 

SYESHA - A good second half of a song does not an American Idol make.  Syesha is forgettable to me, and would probably do very well on Broadway - but Idol is not gonna be her “ticket to ride”.  Her vocals are too theatrical, and she didn’t show enough personality to command the new stage (which actually seems smaller, now that the band is hovering), or the audience.  If she were to earn a place in the Top 10, she will definitely be the token “bio break” artist on the tour.

CHIKEZIE - Since Hollywood week, I have been wondering: “O Chickezie brother, where art thou?”  Chikezie was BACK last night, even if he was sporting the remnants of Blake Lewis’ argyle-riffic wardrobe and admitted that he was the guy at LAX “feeling people up”.  Oh my.  Thankfully, his performance was super solid and surprising enough to make Ryan join him in the Cuba Gooding Jr. Celebration Jig™.  Fine family fun!

RAMIELE - While Rami has a lovely voice, this performance (as noted by the wise Judge Dawg) “kinda laid there”.  What he forgot to add was, “… like a heavy dog on my lap, and it put my feet to sleep.”  Girl, you don’t wanna be called Lullaby, but your song choices make it so very hard to call you anything else.  Ramiele seems to be stuck in safe mode, and that just doesn’t cut it with the Idol voters, myself especially.  I did love the dress, though.  If she gets another chance, I suggest that she loses the emo bangs and pout and does some diva-ish beltin’ if she wants to win me back.

JASON - Did I understand correctly that Jason was a music minor, and failed a course on the Beatles?  I think I am getting my Idol irony wires crossed - confusing Jason with David H. - soorry.  Kudos to my dreaded (in a good way) prince for picking what I believe to be one of the bestest of the Beatles’ songs.  Out of anyone on the show, Jason TKO’s everyone else when it comes to song choice, in my opinion.  He is mesmerizing as a performer, and he DOES connect.  That said, unless he does some big sangin’ purty soon, he probably doesn’t stand a chance to win - and that’s okay… because he could be this season’s Chris Daughtry.

CARLY - I was certain that this working girl would sing “A Hard Day’s Night”, but was happy she chose “Come Together” instead - she did it justice, and more.  What impressed me most is her stage presence, and sister friend had the gumption to work those serious pipes on a song I always viewed as mellow groove kinda tune.  I don’t think I have ever heard that song “belted” before, and would have never guessed that it would work.  Good on ya, Carly.  I hope we get to see you sing with Bono or Andrea Corr in the finale.

DAVID C. - Again we see an Idol hopeful dressed in the recycled wares from a previous season’s contestant - did I not see that jacket on Chris Daughtry during Elvis week in Season 5?  That’s just like wrapping yourself in bad luck, man.  Outerwear aside, I must humbly bow down and confess my sins to the already converted Cook fans - I have finally joined you - for now.  David Cook is slowly winning me over, hair helmet and all.  And I gots to admit - that fancy stage lighting and newly discovered smile do him some serious flattery.  The Cook is fine tuning the ingredients of his Rock Star Stew, and it is becoming a mighty fine appetizer.

BROOKE - Wow… people really seemed to like this, huh?  I guess I need to watch it again - or maybe just listen again.  I doubt I could watch again, as the awkward glances from the piano to the camera were driving me plain insane, Billy Zane.  I heard a couple of pitchy spots that the judges overlooked, and didn’t feel there was any climax to her performance.  Her emotion did feel authentic and genuine - but if she cries again on the show, I will be the first to call her out for being contrived and sanitized.  Mr. Jovi really liked her, but I couldn’t get into it… especially after he started to sing along, but with the words of the Sesame Street parody of the song - then all I could hear was the “buh buh buh of Letter B” :

DAVID H. - Way to throw the tabloid trackers off of your tainted trail with that story of being fired from a “pizza bistro” in the pre-performance interview, man.  (I will leave the “hand tossed” and “stuffed crust” jokes to your cleverly dirty little minds.)  Am I the only one kinda feeling bad for David right now?  His vocals are typically spot on, and he seems to be more charismatic than he was early on - but desperation is a stinky cologne, and Burn boy is bathing in it.  And kiddies, do not tout your Beatles collegiate courses unless they nurtured your musical tastes enough to have better sense than to pick a song like “I Saw Her Standing There”.  Celine one week and a Tiffany song the next ain’t doing much for your macho cred, Miss Hernandez. 

AMANDA - Well, this wasn’t so bad.  I almost dig her again.  She done worked that stage, spanked it, and worked it again.  She seems to have her confidence back, and I like that she is a confessed loner.  I sense an underground movement of introverted, loner, rocker dorks ready to unite under our queen - once she stops wearing pants that match her hair.  Calling Idol sponsor Garnier!  I believe a visit by the Idol hair colorist is in order… she is a Top 12 contestant, after all!  Besides, we are due a sighting of some Vannessa Olivarez/Amy Adams-esque pink tint by now, aren’t we? 

MICHAEL - I think Mikey picked the best song, and his vocal was more than pleasant and sincere.  Nothing exceptional, and as much as I hate to speak negative of my Aussie Delight - I do wish he would work in a softer tone from time to time.  This song has such a gorgeous melody, and some subtlety really might have made it sparkle.  Some parts felt a little oversung, but he is still so dreamy, I would gladly eat vegemite off of his tennis-toned abs.

KRISTY LEE - Oh, gee.  Country-fied Beatles tune + Joe Elliott jeans + crazy eyes = Sequin-Flavored Cheeseball.  Do Kristy’s crazy eyes remind anyone else of Jen Wilbanks, The Real-Life Runaway Bride?  The word frantic does not do this performance justice.  I think Kristy and Ryan must have been delayed at LAX with Paula before the show, ‘cuz this hoedown was just buzzing with an apparent influence of too many uppers.  The good news is we might see a Beatles reunion after that, because if that didn’t wake up John and George, it sure had them rolling in their graves.

DAVID A. - The Golden Boy gets the Golden Spot… and he bleeeew it!  Can you imagine the pressure he must be under after being crowned the next American Idol 2 months too early?  I am starting to wonder how genuine the boyish modesty is now - and yes, I admit I am a full on Idol cynic, so feel free to take that into account when considering my comments.  The evidence is in the fact that David has practically been raised on stage - this Idol thang ain’t his first ro-de-o, know what I’m sayin’?  And he claims to be Beatle ignorant just two weeks after blowing the doors off “Imagine”?  Either the kid is a calculating robot or Mama’s little puppet.  I am still undecided as to which applies here.

So here is my POV on how the Results will play out tonight:

Ticket To Ride: Chikezie, Jason, Carly, David C. and Michael

Get Back: Brooke, Ramiele, Amanda and David A.

Help!:  Syesha, David H. and Kristy Lee

Hello Goodbye: Syesha… only because she went first and Kristy Lee will wrangle up the country vote.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008 at 7:55 pm and is filed under Television, American Idol.